Closure

I read an interesting book last summer.   It was light and casual reading.  I didn’t want anything academic.  Wasn’t looking for any deep philosophical thoughts.  Just wanted something fun!  I ran across a book that seemed to be exactly what I was looking for and it was only $1!!!!!  Saving Cicadas by Nicole Seitz.  I loved the title.  It reminded me of home, and the description on the back touched my heart. This book was already making me happy, and if it wasn’t what I was looking for, it costs less than the diet coke I’d be drinking while I was reading it so what did I have to lose?

I am somewhat of a kinetic type person and I can’t read anything without writing in the margins and underlining!   This is why I could never enjoy reading from an iPad.  I need paper I can touch and feel and write on!  Much to my surprise, I underlined quite a bit in this little penned adventure.

One of the things I underlined and keep going back to had to do with closure.  Closure, as defined by the dictionary, is a conclusion; the bringing to an end.  Of course, there are other definitions as well, but this is the one most fitted for this topic.  Closure is a good thing.

In her book, Nicole gives a very precise explanation of closure coming from a cantankerous old woman you can’t help but grow to love: Closure is when you’ve closed that chapter of your life.  When you can move on with your life instead of hanging on to the past and what was done there [whether by you or to you] It is a healthy thing to have closure. Some people never get it.

The book was a bit of a surprise to me – not at all what I expected, but, as I said, I found a great deal worth underlining and was quite intrigued by the timing of it.   But this is not a blog about the book, rather, the topic of the book, and what it has to do with being broken AND beautiful!  And the topic is quite controversial.  Abortion.

There are so many reasons people can’t seem to find closure in their lives.  For a lot of people closure just never comes, and they end up carrying these hurts from the past and the effects of these hurts to their graves.   And quite often end up hurting those they love along the way.

Closure for the post abortive mother is often never fully realized.  The emotional wounds of abortion take a very long time to heal.  In another quote from Saving Cicadas, this same cantankerous old woman says, “When you’ve done something you regret and it involves a child, you spend the rest of your life trying to make it up to whatever child comes your way.” 

Let me stop right here and say, THIS IS NOT a blog for bashing or condemning anyone who has had an abortion. This is not a blog for being judgmental in any way.  Abortion is a horrible act indeed. PLEASE, if you cannot read this without succumbing to hate and anger and judgment, at least refrain from commenting. This is meant to promote healing!

It is easy for those who have never been there to pass judgment and HARSH judgment on those who have.   If you have never walked in their shoes, you truly have no right.  It is NEVER our place to decide what a person deserves in life.   Were they raped?  Maybe they were extremely young and made a very grown up mistake resulting in a pregnancy they are in no means emotionally, financially, or even socially equipped to handle.   Perhaps they come from abusive parents who would’ve reacted in a very negative and abusive way.   Maybe they had parents who were quite the perfectionists and would’ve disowned them leaving them completely abandoned or they could’ve had very loving parents whom they could not bear to disappoint.  Whatever the situation, fear is usually at the root of abortion, coupled with the pressure to make an immediate decision.

Please do not misunderstand me.  I AM IN NO WAY excusing or condoning abortion.  All I am saying is that we have no right to judge, and we need to understand that not all women who choose abortion are selfish, inconsiderate, irresponsible people.  In fact, most are not.  They are just scared.  It is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance.  It is His love that draws us into His healing arms.  Most people don’t need to be told what they did was wrong. They need to be reassured that they are still lovable and valuable in spite of what they have done.

Many post abortive mom’s carry an emptiness they can never fill. They are burdened with guilt and condemnation, and quite often these are hurts they carry alone because of the shame associated with the act.  Abortion is a horrible act of murder, legalized murder that rides in on wings of deception.  This is a haunting and tormenting fact for the post abortive mom.    As long as this is where a person is, she cannot heal because she can’t talk about it.  And if she cannot heal, she is prone to accept the idea that she is not a good person and she ends up moving down a path that tends to confine her to further self-defeating acts.

In the movie Forrest Gump, Forrest says, “Sometimes you have to get a lot of stuff out of you before you can move on.”  There is a lot of biblical truth to that.   James 5:16 we are told to confess our sins to one another and pray for each other so we may be healed.  We confess to God for forgiveness, but according to this scripture, we confess to each other for healing.

The enemy would love to keep us from ever realizing this important truth, and just as he did when he was tempting Jesus, he uses seemingly biblical truth to trip us up and keep us right where he wants us to be.  He will say things like, “You are forgiven.  No need in living in the past.”  This is indeed a true statement, with just enough twist on it to keep you in bondage to your past because he knows all the while, there is something there that has not been dealt with.  It is there.  Maybe it’s deep inside.  Maybe you have pushed it so far down that you are numb to its pain.  But it is there,  subtly eating away at you, fully intent on destroying anything good that might try to bring healing and peace.

Oh, you may “try” church.  You may “try” religion.  You may “try” God.   But there is something in you that either makes you feel like you are not enough.  You try to “earn” your freedom by “buying God with service and obedience.  But it is still there.  You may not be talking about it, but trust me, you are stuck, living in your past and it is in control of your present and your future.

Talking about it brings healing!  It is the only way.  It is the biblical way.  Don’t dwell on it.  Don’t wallow in condemnation.  But find that one loving, meaningful person with whom you can be honest and vulnerable.   There is a beauty in this kind of openness that strips Satan of his power to use this against you.  It is in sharing this way that we are able to realize that we are truly loved, accepted, and forgiven, and are eventually able to forgive ourselves.   And so many times, our healing becomes a seed that leads to the healing of others.  Our honesty helps bring others to that place of freedom in their lives.  They are won by the word of our testimony.

Do not let the enemy steal your testimony.  Do not allow him to keep you in bondage to fear and the past.  Openly admit your guilt.  Without making excuses, share your story, not in a way that glorifies what the enemy has accomplished in and through you.  Come humbly and broken.  Share your brokenness.  But don’t stop there.  Certainly don’t camp there.  Move on to the place where God is glorified.  Allow what the enemy intended to destroy you to become a catalysts for healing.

Many have found comfort and closure in giving their aborted son or daughter the dignity of a name.  Some have found comfort in writing him or her a letter of confession asking for forgiveness and declaring love for the child.

God wants you healed.  He LOVES YOU!!

There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ because through Him, the law of the Spirit of Life has set you free from the law of sin and death.  Romans 8:1-2

You are loved.  You are free!  Receive His love and forgiveness.  IT IS TIME!